A Disfunctional Family
by Pure Shikon
Summary: The wacky antics of the Touya family. The insane young Koyou, the ignorant and extremely impressionable Akira, and Akira's savior, Ogata. Between aliens and brain washing is there any reason why Akira shouldn't have turned out as the perfect gi-boy he is?
1. Chapter 1

**Akira's Reason for Being Quiet**

**By: Pure Shikon**

**Hokay. First Hikaru fanfic.**

**It's sort of a collection of oneshots. Sort of. These chapters are gonna be short; just to warn you. Some other warnings. I can't spell and my computer's Microsoft Word doesn't have spell check installed. Sorry! This is supposed to be funny so if you don't find it so, please tell me and give any suggestions you can. They are very appreciated!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own. Can't draw. Can't write either. Least not well.

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**Chapter 1**

**Questions and Bud Light**

**Ogata-san has made the mistake of taking 4 year-old Akira-kun to the science museum. Dun, dun, dun!

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**

"Ogata-san, what's solar energy?"

Sigh. "It's using the sun to fuel electricity." 9024

"Ogata-san, what's electricity?"

Sigh. "It's the stuff that runs the Go time clocks." 9025

"Ogata-san, what's geothermal energy?"

Sigh. "It's another form of fuel for electricity." 9026

"Ogata-san, why do you sigh so much?"

Sigh. 9027.

"You're doing it again. Why?"

9028, "Akira, have you had lunch yet?"

"Umm…," chibi Akira got a cute little confused look on his face, "No, but why?"

9029, "Let's go to The Sushi Place."

Akira got a cute little look on his face. "Okay!"

Ogata immediately seemed much relieved.

"Ogata-san, why did your face light up all of a sudden?"

Sigh. 9030.

"Let's just go, Akira."

"Sure, whatever you say, Ogata-san."

'_Thank you, whatever gods blessed me with this silence!'

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_

**(At The Sushi Place)**

"What may I get for you two boys?" a waiter named Shindaiku asked.

"Wow. You're a pretty lady…"

"Why thank you! Such a cute little boy. Your son?"

"You should date Ogata-san!"

Ogata, "No. No relation."

"Oh," Shindaiku was now feeling really awkward, "Umm… do you two have any idea of what you want?"

"Umm… Ogata-san, what do they have for sandwiches?"

Sigh. 9031.

"Well first off, you have to choose bread."

"Well, what type do they have?" 9032.

"There's French-"

"Are they really 'Silly Frenchmen' like they say in the movie Monty Python Search for the Holy Grail?" 9033.

"No. Who let you see that movie?"

"Ashiwara-san."

"Oh **did** he?"

"Uh…yes. Why is there a sudden evil glint in your eyes, Ogata-san?" 9034.

"Yes…well," Ogata cleared his throat, "anyway, there's French bread, Italian bread-"

"Was it really made in Italy?" asked chibi Akira. 9035.

"No."

"Then why is it called Italian bread?" 9036.

"Because…"

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**(20 minutes, and 342 questions later…)**

"Okay!" Akira announced, "I know what I want to eat!"

Shindaiku rushed over to them, "Okay then, what would you like?"

"I want a PBJ sandwich!"

"O-okay," Shindaiku scribbled it down after recovering from her anime fall, "one peanut butter and jelly sandwich-"

"Is a "peanut butter and jelly sandwich" the same as a PBJ?" 9378.

"Er, y-yes. And what would you like, sir?"

"What do you have with the most alcohol in it?"

"E-excuse me?"

"I said," Ogata repeated, "what did you have with the most alcohol in it?"

"Umm…well we have Bud Light. Will that suffice?"

"Yes. May I have 4 glasses?"

"I g-guess. Um…did you drive here?"

"Yes. Why?" Ogata asked.

"Oh! Uh, no reason!" Shindaiku quickly skittered away, and said a prayer for Akira. She soon came back with their orders, "Would you like anything else?" _'Please say no!'_

"I okay! How about you, Ogata-san?" 9379.

"Later." He quickly started downing the 4 Bud Lights in front of him.

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**(30 minutes later)**

"Ogata-san, are you okay?" Akira asked concerned. 13024. In front of the poor little child, was Ogata, I can imagine you've got an idea on what he looked like by now. Ogata was swaying slightly, left and right. His jacket was off, tie barely tied, and shirt unbuttoned.

There were 16 empty Bud Light cans littered in front of him. His eyes were dull, and glasses off kilter. "Blus f-fl-fline," he fell off his chair, landing on his rear on the floor. He hiccupped, laughed, then proceeded in trying to get back onto his chair. Akira found it extremely entertaining. Had he truly known the gravity of the situation…he still would have been laughing, know that I think about it.

Shindaiku quickly came over to their table, and began cleaning up some of the cans. "Excuse me," she was talking to Akira.

"Yes?"13025.

"Do you know whether or not your father or mother is home?"

"Otosan should be back by now. Why?"13026.

"Would you like to call him to get a ride back home?"

"Okay! Why can't Ogata-san take me home, though?"13027.

"Well…" they both turned to see Ogata walk into a wall, "That's why," Shindaiku said while jabbing a thumb in Ogata's new direction.

"Oh."

Akira followed Shindaiku to the phone; then proceeded in trying to remember his home number. He called 8 wrong numbers, till he finally got the right one.

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**(//Blah// is Toya Mejin, "Blah" is Akira.)**

//Hello?//

"Father?"13028.

//Hello Akira, I thought you were with Ogata. What's wrong?//

"I'm still with Ogata-san, but he's had…1…2…3…16 Dud Darks."

//I think you mean 16 Bud Lights.// **(Silence)** //16!?//

"Yes, I think so. Is that a bad thing?"13029.

//Where are you, Akira?//

"**The** Sushi Place."

//I'll be there in a minute.//

"Okay."

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**(2 minutes later.)**

Akira turned to see his father walk into The Sushi Place. "Sorry I took so long. I got a ticket for speeding." --'

"So Akira, how many did you ask _this_ time?"

"I think I made a personal best!"

"Ogata?" Toya Mejin turned to Ogata. For some strange reason, Ogata always seemed to keep a mental count of these things.

"13029," was Ogata's response in slumber.

"Wow! A personal best!" Akira began hopping around clapping his hands together.

Toya Mejin turned to Shindaiku, "Has he paid yet?" Shindaiku shook her head, no.

The Mejin began shifting through Ogata's pockets. "What are you-"

"Here." The Mejin held out Ogata's King Card, credit card.

Shindaiku ran off, then came back, and handed the credit card back. The Mejin then looked out the window and, because of the Mejin's magic ability, **(NOT!)** Ashiwara came in the door and helped the Mejin put Ogata into the van they had brought.

The next morning, Ogata woke up in Mejin's guest bedroom with a headache. He looked around to see Akira looking up at him. Behind Akira were Toya Mejin and Ashiwara, looking exhausted. Ogata looked at them and said, "I can't believe you two are so lazy, you're both setting a bad example!" Anime falls!

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**Yay! Chapter one FINALLY FINISHED!!!! I hope you enjoyed, and please review!**


	2. FedUp?

**I'm back! I got 8 (well, more like 6) reviews! I was only expecting one, but I got even more! Yay!

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**Reviews:**

shirleysama

Nice!

Keep'em commin sister!

Akira is just too cute! Poor Ogata…lol

**Thanks! Akira is really fun to write as a child! Yes, yes, poor Ogata…(rolf!)**

**Ogata: (Death Glare) You and Ashiwara **_**will**_** get what's coming to you!**

**Eyago (from Aladdin): Rak! What's coming to you!**

**Ogata: You'll die, too. When I rule the world, all annoying beasts will be dead, there will be no such thing as "questions," and everyone **_**will**_** worship GO.**

**Me: Yeah…good luck with that.**

**Ogata: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-cough cough! I swallowed my gum… --'**

**Me: ANYWAY. Thanks! (The Eyago thing was in reference to another story of mine, Inuyasha characters in Aladdin, look it up!)

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Vicky Chain

That was frekin' funny! I liked it!

**Thank you! That is what I've been striving for! Your review is greatly appreciated!

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Shizuka

(Part 1 of 3)

Wow, I am amused. Give me some credit in the next chapter, though! And it's Meijin, not Mejin... Yes, I make you mad, but I make your spelling better too! There were other mistakes but I will not point them out... The overall idea, though, is good (cause I thought up half of it, of course - my being Einstein and you being the crazed otaku you are) and it is so utterly CUTE! Yay, I love chibi Akira.

**Okay, okay. A lot of credit goes to you. Happy? (Although, most everything in this chapter was mine!)**

**SKREW SPELLING!!! (Way to make a statement, right?)

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(Part 2 of 3)

Just thought of something: Why would THE Sushi Place have sandwiches instead of sushi? Just a thought!  
HAH. I win.

**1) Not all children like sushi, so they have sandwiches. 2) There are innumerable combinations when it comes to sandwiches. They still have sushi.

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(Part 3 of 3)

Hey, since I'm reviewing for the third time (I think), do I get a prize? Can I have some cookies? Or candy canes? Or a straight month with no Kurama bashing, however humorous?  
Basically, I'm review for my two friends (the ones who are obsessed with Death Note...and L - well, I'm slightly guilty of fangirling L...but hey, L is awesome, so...); I forced them to read this and they cracked up, obviously loving it.  
So...shouldn't we do the next escapade (I love that word) about the Internet videos? I'm all for it, but not this weekend: We have finals coming up, you know.  
YAY.

**You can have some complementary mints. There's your prize! (****MUWAHAHAH!!!) Internet videos are chapter 3 or 4. I haven't yet decided, but I'm thinking 3.

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Kita Fuji

Aww. Akira's so cute! Plz Continue!

**Akira gets even cuter this chapter!

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Ashen Rose Shadow

That kid would have driven me past drinking. Far past drinking. lol I'm glad Touya isn't like that now or I would not be reading Hikaru no Go. lol Good job. I liked this a lot.

**Yeah. I think other people would be thinking the same way…

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Give us Peace

lol! please update!

**Not to sound rude, but are you a pacifist?

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**

**I've just noticed I spelled Touya wrong all last chapter. Sorry!**

**Now, here's the chapter, but warning: I'm watching Yu Yu Hakusho while writing this. Sorry! (Chapter Black: The Seven)

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**Chapter 2**

**FedUP?**

Touya Meijin walked into his kitchen. He looked around and, not able to see anyone, stretched lazily. Glancing around once more, the Meijin opened a cabinet while humming "Junk Food Junkie." He felt around in the rear, looking for the false back.

"Daddy." Touya Meijin jumped, turning around slowly. He was wearing his usual attire-a kimono-unlike his son.

Akira was standing behind his father, a blanket and teddy bear in one hand, and his right thumb in his mouth. His eyes were wide and innocent, and he was wearing pajamas with Go stones and boards printed on it.

"Uh…I'm just getting…some…cereal. Yes, cereal! Do you want some?" Akira bobbed his head up and down. "Okay. Do you want Cinnamon Toast Crunch, or Reese's Puffs?"

"Rees's Poofs." Touya Meijin chuckled and poured them both a bowl of "Rees's Poofs."

15 minutes later, Akiko Touya (yes, that's her real name; I checked) walked into the kitchen. "I have to go to run quite a few errands today. Could you watch Akira?"

Touya Meijin shook his head, "I have a match today."

Akira piped up, "Ogata-san could watch me!" Akira absolutely _loved_ hanging out with 'Ogata-san.'

The Meijin was slightly uneasy about that plan after last week, but when he called Ashiwara, it seemed he had a date. **(Gasp!)** _'Not that he's that reliable…'_ So it seemed Ogata was the only choice.

Touya Meijin called Ogata up:

//Hello?// _yawn_

'_Seems I woke him up,'_ "Ogata, I was wondering if you were busy today."

There was some rustling from the other side of the line before he got an answer. //I just have a couple packages to drop off at UPS and FedEx. Why?//

"Well, Akiko and I are both busy today and we need someone to watch Akira."

//Have you asked Ashi-?//

"Yes. I have already asked Ashiwara. He has a date today."

//Really? He's really got a date?! Wow…that makes me feel pathetic…//

Touya Meijin just sighed. "Can you, or not? If you can't, I'll have to asked Kuwabara Honin-

//Yes! I can!//

The Meijin knew he would win the moment he mentioned Kuwabara Honin-bo. (sp?)

"Then when should we expect you?"

//Would…11 be alright?//

"You do know that's in 20 minutes, right?"

//Oh God! I really slept in that late! Okay, more like 11:30. Is that alright with you?//

"That's fine. Goodbye."

//Bye.//

Touya Meijin sighed. Ogata could be as silly as Ashiwara at times. "Will he be able to?" Akiko asked from the next room.

"Yes. He'll be here at 11:30."

"Okay. Well, got to go! See you, Akira!" Akiko hustled out the door, already late for her first appointment.

The Meijin just stared at Akira, confused at what to do till Ogata got there, until he got a stroke of genius. "Akira…I've got an idea of what we can do until Ogata gets here…" Touya Meijin got an evil grin on his face. Akira just smiled at him innocently before the Meijin picked Akira up and took him to his room to change.

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11:30

Ogata knocked on the Touyas front door. A couple minutes later he knocked again. When no one came to the door he began to panic, remembering all those late night shows he followed. Fearing the worst, he ran in, barely stopping to take off his shoes and running through the house. He came upon the study and swung the door open. The sight before Ogata horrified him.

Akira was sitting in the formal sitting position in a suit and tie while Touya Meijin was showing him different things like Manga, pictures of popular kid places, and music while saying things along the lines of, "These places, things, and songs rot your brain." While Ogata agreed with some of that, it was the next part that disturbed him, "And Aliens can sense a rotted brain from galaxies away and they will come after you. While you are sleeping peacefully in your bed, they will be sucking your brain out your ear through a straw!" Akira shuttered and Ogata anime fell.

The next "Lesson" was, "Akira, if you read these," he held up novels and Go instruction books, "wear these," he held up a suit and kimono, "and listen to this," in his hands was classical music, "then you shall become an excellent Go player!" Akira nodded vigorously.

Although, the next "Lesson" was the most heinous, in Ogata's opinion, "Now, Akira, is this: if you ever swallow a watermelon seed, or gum, it will grow inside your stomach!"

Ogata felt there was no reason to tell Akira that, of all things. "Next lesson is about the boogieman!"

Ogata intervened before Akira was scarred. Touya Meijin looked down glumly; he was just starting to enjoy himself… **(In my opinion, that's kinda sad…)**

"Don't you have a game to get to, Sensei?"

"Oh, crap!" Touya Meijin ran to his room to change, before rushing out the door to his car, speeding away.

Ogata sighed. "C'mon, Akira." Ogata took Akira to his room and made him change into dark jeans, red and white tennis shoes, a long sleeve black and gray shirt, and a gray cap; Akira's birthday present from Ogata, and the one of the few normal outfits he owned. Before Akira could protest with his father's lessons as his support, Ogata had dragged him to his sports car. **(After locking the door behind them, obviously.)**

Akira sat in a car seat in the back of the car. "Ogata-san."

"Hmm?"

"Where are we going?"

"First to FedEx, then to UPS."

Akira was silent for a moment. "Ogata-san."

"Yes?"

"If FedEx and UPS were to combine into one company, to strengthen their territory," Ogata sighed, that was his father speaking through him, "Would they call it FedUP?"

Ogata nearly hit a car. "What?"

Akira repeated himself slower. Ogata bit back a laugh, and answered with his own question, "If a tree were to fall in a forest and no one was there to hear it, would it make a sound?"

Akira gave Ogata a weird look through the rear view mirror. "Huh?"

Ogata had another at his disposal, "Do tea workers take coffee breaks?"

"Huh?"

Ogata had one more, "If you try to fail and succeed, which is it?"

Akira's little head was overwhelmed, "What does that have to do with FedUP and territory?"

Ogata just chuckled and went to FedEx and UPS **(still different companies!)** and there was little from Akira. He was still trying to understand what Ogata had meant.

Ogata took Akira home after the movies and they snuck in the back door. "Ogata-san."

Ogata motioned for him to be quieter, "Yes?" he asked.

"Why are we sneaking in the back door?" A shadow fell across to two crouching males.

Ogata looked up, scared. "You two ought to be glad it's me and not my husband." It was Akiko, looking down on them.

Ogata sighed, "Yes, we're glad."

"If I were you, I would get Akira changed right now. He's going to be home in a few minutes." Ogata dragged Akira to his room and changed him into a suit. The door opened, _'Just in time.'_

Touya Meijin walked into to Akira's room. "Daddy!!" Akira ran into his father's waiting arms, while Ogata just flopped down on the floor.

"Hey, Akira!" Touya Meijin spun him around before setting him back down.

"So, did you win your game, Daddy?"

"Of course. And how was your day?"

"Ogata-san had me wear those clothes you said were bad and we went to the movies and the mall and, Daddy, am I gonna die?!" Akira looked truly sacred.

As did Ogata. Not only did Akira rat on him, but he had believed the whole thing about aliens and such. Not a good combo.

"Oh, did he?" Touya Meijin shot Ogata an evil look, and grinned. Ogata plugged his ears and shut his eyes. This would not be pretty.

He stood that way for 5 minutes before realizing Touya Meijin wasn't yelling at him. Ogata unplugged his ears to catch, "Oh, Akira, I forgot to tell you, I invited some one over for dinner tonight. Maybe Ogata will stay over, too." Not only did it sound bad, or was at a strange time, but Ogata could have sworn the Meijin grinned evilly for a moment. The next voice confirmed his fears.

"How are you, Ogata? Hee, hee."

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ogata beat it outta there at a speed that would have brought an Olympic runner to shame.

Kuwabara-sensei cocked his head with a surprised look on his face, "Was it something I said?"

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**End.**


	3. School Day

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Esa MaRie

Oh my... bwahahahahaha!

No wonder Touya became quiet when he grew older, I guess he ran out of all the questions that he could think of... XD

Nice fic! It's a refreshing change from the serious Touya Akira, Touya Meijin, & Ogata Seiji that you would often read in other fics. Keep it up and hope to read more funny works from you... Ja!

**Yeah, it made me tired just trying to think of all of Akira's questions. Sigh. Tiring. Actually, it's really fun to write serious characters comically. At the moment, I think I only have on really serious fic, so if you like Yu Yu and funny, check out my other stories, otherwise I only have a serious Inu fic. I hope this next chapter is funny!**

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Shizuka Sen

Yay! Kuwabara Hon'inbou!  
"Hee hee!"  
Yes...I can't wait for the Internet videos...let's write it together over the weekend or something.  
One glaring error I simply can't ignore: It should be "Akira shuddered," not "Akira shuttered." Um...is Akira a window or something?  
Whatever. Other than that, there were not many spelling mistakes! (runs away to avoid death)  
Hilarious.

**Okay, I admit I really only put Kuwabara in because he pwns. Well, here is the video chapter and I don't care about spelling!! Gawd, I swear. Oh, and you can borrow 1776 till my grandparents come out (October) since I got my copy today! I'm listening to it right now! (Richard Henry Lee.)**

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shirleysama

Ogata's questions made me think! I don't think on fridays! Bah...-- Wait! Does that mean aliens are gonna eat my brain?! But I read a bit of Go...maybe they'll let me live if I gave them cookies! Cookies are go0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0od...

Update soon ne?

Shirleysama

**Yeah, I got most of Ogata's questions off my English teacher's white board. He likes to write things like that on his board all the time. You better hope aliens like cookies. Anyway, that's just myth, the really brain suckers are clowns and insane scientists with uranium bombs. (FMA parody, FullMetal Oddities on YouTube.) Anyway, I'm sorry about the really long wait, I was battling Shinigami, insane collage students, mafia leaders, and the occasional goat. Sorry!**

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Give us Peace

haha lol the fedup thing

**Again, another random question on my English teacher's board. Thanks for the review!!**

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cls81690

hahaha shizukachan told me about this story... well done.  
doesn't explain why he's quiet now, but it's highly entertaining. I see her influence.

**Thanks for the review! Really, the quiet thing has to do more with all the things that scar Akira as a child, especially when his father keeps telling him that aliens will suck his brain out with a straw; also the occasional angry/drunk Ogata. Anyway, I'll try to stick to that idea more, thanks for the review!**

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** For now, I own nothing, but just you wait, one day I'll rule the world!!!...or not (too much paper work.) 

**School Day**

Touya Meijin and his wife, Akiko Touya, were in China for a Go Convention, and Akira was in Ogata's care. On the day we will be focusing on, Ogata had a promotion game. Whoever won would be promoted to 8-dan, but that meant he'd have to find someone to watch Akira. We all know what that means, going to school with Ashiwara!!

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Ogata and Akira got into Ogata's car and were at Ashiwara's house in much less time then Ogata would have liked. He knocked on the door and heard a yell of, "I got it!" and the door was opened. "Ogata-san! Akira-kun! Good morning!" Ashiwara was still in his pajamas, and was munching on a piece of toast, but still seemed to be the most cheerful morning person Ogata had ever met. The boy was lucky Ogata wasn't having a hangover. "Come on in, Akira-kun! You can join us for breakfast!"

Akira nodded and walked in attempting to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes. He walked in and was immediately offered French Toast and Orange Juice which he gratefully took.

Ashiwara noticed Ogata looking at him skeptically. He quickly realized he must look pretty bad compared to Ogata's status quo. "Sorry, I just got up. Heh…heh."

Ogata merely raised an eyebrow. "I trust you'll be sure Akira is watched at all times."

"Of course."

"Do not feed him junk food for lunch."

"Understood."

"Make sure he brushes his teeth after lunch."

"Sure."

"And-"

"Alright, Ogata-san! He'll be fine. Geez, sometimes I think _you_ are his dad." Ashiwara chuckled at the glare Ogata gave him. "I'm not going to sell him into slavery, or anything. Trust me. Besides, slavery is an infamous practice that was abolished, and I'm happier for it."

"You just quoted a movie. **(1776)** I bet you don't even know the meaning of what you just said."

"So?" Ashiwara shrugged before flashing a peace sign, "It sounded good, didn't it?"

Ogata rolled his eyes. "I'll pick you two up from your school. Be sure to be in the parking lot by three."

Ashiwara saluted with his empty hand, "Yes, sir!" Ogata sighed and walked down to his car. Were he a religious man, he might say a prayer for Akira, but he wasn't a religious man. Oh, well.

**

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****st**** Period)**

Ashiwara was wearing his school uniform, a full black Kaze uniform. Glancing over, he saw Akira looking up at him with big chibi eyes. Ashiwara grinned evilly.

Throwing his fist in front of his face, Ashiwara yelled at Akira, "WANNA GO?!"

Akira jumped in surprise before recognizing what Ashiwara was doing. He raised his own fist, "YEAH! I WANNA GO!!"

Ashiwara grinned, "YOU WANNA GO?!"

"LET'S GO!!" All of Ashiwara's classmates crowded around, encircling the two boys. Akira was standing on a chair and they were nose to nose with their left fists centimeters from each other's chins.

Ashiwara shouted, "ALRIGHT, LET'S GO!!"

"ROCK, PAPER, SICCORS!!"

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Five periods later found Ashiwara and Akira in Tech Ed class. Today was a free day, and Ashiwara was using the time to finish a project he had started at home.

Akira looked over his shoulder, "Ashiwara-san, why do you have pictures of Ogata-san. Hey, is that a picture of Ichikawa-san?" Ichikawa was the new employee at Touya Meijin's Go Salon who always treated Akira like a son.

Ashiwara laugh some. "Akira-kun, play some games on the internet, and when I finish I'll show you the final product." Akira just shrugged and went to Igo. In 15 minutes, Ashiwara was done.

"Okay, Akira-kun, you're the first one to see this." Akira sat in Ashiwara's lap and watched as slideshow/video was played on the screen. In the background was the song normally heard at weddings played while clips of Ichikawa and Ogata flashed by. There were also pictures of Ogata in his suit, Ichikawa in a wedding dress, and pictures of them in a church.

At the end of the video, Akira asked the question that had been bugging him, "Ashiwara-san, did Ogata-san and Ichikawa-san get married?"

Ashiwara burst out laughing for a straight 2 minutes. "No! No, I just photo shopped some pictures I got of them! Gawd, that was great! Let's load it to the Go Association homepage!"

After some hacking, Ashiwara had uploaded the video to the homepage. Seeing as they only checked the homepage every few months, it would be up for a while. Besides, the only people who ever went on were the Insei who'd never want it taken down. None the less, Ashiwara uploaded it to You Tube, just in case. Ashiwara sighed, "Hey, Akira-kun, don't tell Ogata-san about that, okay? Mum's the word." Akira nodded.

**

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Touya Meijin had just gotten back from China and, due to a delay in his flight, Touya Meijin got home just in time for his study group. When he entered his Study, the whole study group was waiting, and Akira rushed up and hugged his leg.

"Daddy! I want to show you a video Ashiwara-san made!" Ashiwara got a look of total despair on his face as Touya Meijin pulled a laptop out of his bag. When Akira told him to go to the Go Association homepage, Touya Meijin looked skeptical, but went anyway. He played the video. By the end, Ogata looked ready to kill Ashiwara who looked ready to run at any sign of movement. On the other hand, everyone else in the room looked ready to die of laughter.

One guy leaned over to Ogata and choked out, "You know, you really ought to consider purposing to her soon, or she'll be taken!" By the end he was in fits of giggles.

"A SHI WA RA!!!" Ogata growled red in the face before chasing the poor child out of the room.

Anime tears pouring out of his eyes, Ashiwara wailed, "AKIRA-KUN!!"

Akira blinked a few times. "Did I do something bad?"

**

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	4. Predator vs Prey

**This is a really short chapter, but it's one of my favorites! Please enjoy!**

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**Reviewers!**

MinakoHH: **You're email didn't come through on the review you sent, but yes, you can translate this to Vietnamese, just give me and Shizuka Sen some credit. (I'm the one who actually decided to write it, but many of these chapters started as us talking while on a sugar high.)**

shirlysama: **I'm glad to hear that you are safe from aliens. This whole thing is actually written while I'm sober, but when I read it I'm on a sugar high, so…some how it comes out funny…go figure…Thanks for reviewing!!**

Give us Peace: **Hey, thanks for the review! Here's the update in return!**

Shizuka Sen:

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**Predator vs. Prey**

**(This is my favorite chapter!!)**

This whole event started with Ogata's 21st birthday. Ogata got stoned, and Touya Meijin had sugar. You see, Touya Meijin is the kind of person who goes crazy on a minimal amount of sugar. Now, what happens when you have boredom, a stoned Ogata, and a hyper Touya Meijin with camera in tow? Why, the circle of life. Aka:

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Touya Meijin stared at Ogata's stoned figure, littering the floor in a drunken sprawl. Being bored and hyper, he decided to take out his video camera.

"_The predator - stalks - its prey_," he said; his voice low and menacing. The Meijin shuffled quietly around his student, zooming in on the unconscious face. "It appears the prey has become overly comfortable in its natural environment," he added in the same manner as he remembered the nature shows on television. He had loved them as a child…

"The prey appears to be unconscious. Unfortunately, in the wild, an unguarded moment can mean DEATH." He began to humming suspenseful music. "The predator stealthily approaches its prey, keeping itself hidden in the surrounding foliage. And - strike!" The Meijin kicked Ogata in the head, quickly withdrawing his foot. The man remained motionless.

"How strange, the prey has failed to react. Is it already dead? Will the predator be reduced to a scavenger?" kicking once more, Ogata responded this time, groaning and turning slightly.

"Aha, so it IS alive. The predator rejoices in his good fortune. Now, the predator closes in for the kill…"

"Father?" Akira's head was visible in the doorway. "Is that Ogata-san? What are you - "

"Quiet, Akira," Touya Meijin said lowly, dangerously.

"Um...okay," Akira said, backing away from the door.

"The predator's son _wisely_ obeys his father," the Meijin continued, a feral grin lighting his face, "as the predator draws ever closer…"

"Father?" Akira's face emerged again in the doorway.

"Be _quiet_, Akira," repeated the Meijin, sounding more crazed now.

Akira nodded meekly and disappeared.

"The predator, after his son _foolishly_ interrupted him, continues to close in on the prey…" Touya Meijin moved closer, kicking Ogata again. "And - the kill!"

The screen on the video recorder went black and the Meijin sighed, his entertainment over. He switched the mode to 'audio only.' "And the predator triumphs! The prey is decimated, and the natural order of the wild is restored once again!"

"Um...Father? Mother's wondering what you're doing when dinner's been ready for ten min - "

"AND THE PREDATOR, _SEVERLY ANGERED_, TURNS TO HIS SON, AND CANIBALISOM!"

As Akira ran for his life, Touya Meijin stayed completely still as the recording transferred to DVD. He thought to add: 'The next episode: The Predator Stalks its SON!' with a laugh on the end.

After this traumatic incident, Akira vows never to interrupt anyone ever again. If they decide to resort to cannibalism – Akira is a genius and he knows what that means – Akira will run, remembering the laws of the jungle.

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**End.**


	5. Touya Otaku

**Yeah...It's been forever, but I had a bit of a writer's block built up for a while. On the bright side, here's another chapter!**

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Seiji Ogata drove up to the front step of the Touya household. He glanced around outside the interior of his leather covered, red sports car to see birds chirping and the sun shining. There was not a cloud in the sky and the cherry blossom trees were in full bloom. He could hear the trickling of water from the garden in the backyard. Wind rustled through the trees; the world was at peace.

That's what worried the golden haired, glasses-wearing, 24 year-old. He slowly waltzed up to the front step of his Go master's house. He tried to show none of his worry in his step. He stepped up the walk and rang the doorbell once, allowing it to ring out. "Coming!" came a female call. There was no doubt in his mind that the owner was Touya Akiko, his master's wife. She slid the door open with a, "Hello, Ogata-san. Have you come to pick Akira up?" He nodded in response and she stepped back, allowing him entry.

Earlier, Ogata had offered to take Akira off his parents hands, his message sounding as if it came out of kindness. In reality, he was hoping to rescue the poor child from his father's insanity. Fatherhood had shaken up the head of the poor man. Ogata slipped his shoes off, placing them on the mat by the door, leaving them out to be easily recovered. "Is Sensei in his study?"

Akiko nodded. "Of course. He practically lives in there. I believe Akira is with him." Ogata's eyes shot open.

"Ah. Thank you." He quickened his previous pace advancing on the door in time to hear his master giving Akira more of his 'words of advice' as he put them.

Touya Meijin was sitting on his knees across the Go board from Akira, preaching come nonsense. He stared seriously at Akira. "Now, Akira, let us re-cap. Tell me about the 7 Gobans."

Proudly, as if the small boy had been reciting the lines to himself over and over again, Akira said, "The 7 mystical Gobans have been scattered across the world and the Go player to aq-aqui-collect all seven will be granted three wishes from the dragon God of Go."

"Continue."

"The Go boards stand out due to the number of star-points on each. The one-star Goban has only the Tengen point. They then proceed on the boards in the places where a player would put handicaps down."

"Correct!" Kouyo cheered, handing over a chocolate chip cookie from the box behind his back. Ogata about passed out on the spot. "Now, I want you to always remember that the movie Akira was named after you. Always remember." Shaking his head, Ogata entered the room, silently, lifting the poisoned Akira up before his mind was utterly corrupted. It was a well known fact that Akira had been named after the movie Akira, and the author of Dragon Ball Z, Akira Toriyama. It was almost impossible to imagine the now top ranked Go player in Japan had once been an avid otaku, however Ogata had seen it with his own eyes, scarring himself for life.

"I'm taking Akira to the park," he said, walking out of the room with the poor child still being held up by the under arms.

"Are we going to play Duel Monsters?" he asked with hope.

Ogata glared and would have pushed his glasses up his nose if not for the terribly heavy load in his hands. "Not on your life."

"Then on Seto Kaiba's life?" Ogata shook his head and left the house, never once turning back to hear the protests of his teacher.

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**Yeah, it was short, but I got the point across: We aren't the only otaku in the world. (Yes!) Please review!!**


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